Wow MVM. Until now, the best vegan divination option was tasseography which can be really complex to learn and an inconvenience when you’re more in the mood for a matcha chai latte with soy. For skeptics: this might sound like a half-baked idea but MVM has obviously made squillions from her book, or was it bajillions? I’m a bit unsure but guessing we can buy your wares from Gloop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s shop?
Oh wise Jess, so true! Yes, you have ascended! Indeed, soy matchas are such a frustratingly unmagical and tedious divination so I am heartily gratified to read that you’ve switched your divining from mere tea leaves to the holy bagel. Pro tip for you as a newly initiated: if you hold your bagel to your ear you’ll hear the sound of critical thinking.
Oh and thank you, Enlightened One, for asking about my bagel divination merch. You can indeed buy my bagel divination merchandise and pseudoscience memoir in the Gloop shop. My grift—I mean, gift to the wellness world—sits proudly in their store. Funnily enough though, all my bagels there mysteriously deliver the same prediction: "Your future requires Gwyneth's thousand dollar jade wellness vagina eggs."
Wow MVM. Until now, the best vegan divination option was tasseography which can be really complex to learn and an inconvenience when you’re more in the mood for a matcha chai latte with soy. For skeptics: this might sound like a half-baked idea but MVM has obviously made squillions from her book, or was it bajillions? I’m a bit unsure but guessing we can buy your wares from Gloop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s shop?
Oh wise Jess, so true! Yes, you have ascended! Indeed, soy matchas are such a frustratingly unmagical and tedious divination so I am heartily gratified to read that you’ve switched your divining from mere tea leaves to the holy bagel. Pro tip for you as a newly initiated: if you hold your bagel to your ear you’ll hear the sound of critical thinking.
Oh and thank you, Enlightened One, for asking about my bagel divination merch. You can indeed buy my bagel divination merchandise and pseudoscience memoir in the Gloop shop. My grift—I mean, gift to the wellness world—sits proudly in their store. Funnily enough though, all my bagels there mysteriously deliver the same prediction: "Your future requires Gwyneth's thousand dollar jade wellness vagina eggs."
😹